Cricket fever…
Extremely important recommendations for wives, girlfriends, fiancées
– from all husbands, boyfriends & fiancés :
1. From 19th Feb to 2nd April, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. The remote control will be fingerprinted each night, any sign of your fingerprints and all shopping trips will be cancelled for a month.
2. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a match, for an important reason such as preparing snacks or getting in the beers, I don't mind, as long as you crawl along the floor.
3. During the cricket season, read the sports section of the newspaper so that you get the flavor of the cricket season.
4. During the matches I will be blinkered to match. You cannot expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, it won’t happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the matches. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good match that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say ' get over it, it’s only a match', or 'don't worry, they'll win next time'. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about cricket than me and your so called 'words of encouragement' will only lead to a break up or divorce.
7. The replays of the matches are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
8. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because I will not go, I will not go, and I will not go. However, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a match, we will be there in a flash.
9. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one match and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the score is pleasing me. The daily cricket season highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the matches themselves. Do not even say 'but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?
10. And finally, please save your expressions such as: 'Thank God the cricket world cup is only every 4 years'. I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Premier League.
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